Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
