it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
