Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
