the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
