the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
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We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
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Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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