He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
