yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
