I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
