who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
