I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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