making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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