Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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