he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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