I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
