The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
