you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
