im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
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