She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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