like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
