So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
