Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
