Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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