so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
