Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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