OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
