The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
