In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
