I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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