Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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