I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
