This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
