you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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