When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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