It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
