She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
