dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
