maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
