u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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