and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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