If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
