There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
