Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
