does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize