the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
In America we eat man semen.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
