I want to have your abortion
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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