apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
