i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
