you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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