and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
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Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
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Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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