About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
