I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
