party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize