it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Drunk is a universal language darling
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
