He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
