Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
