it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's never too late to be topless.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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