i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just pee around me
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
