i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
