from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
