you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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