You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
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I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
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I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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