Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
