is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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