walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
