return my video game
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
