remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Come on in and take your pants off
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
