dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
