Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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