i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
