Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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