It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
