Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize