You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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