i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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