so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
